with your own penis?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
