im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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