My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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