A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
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