You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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