Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is wine microwaveable?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
