i think i have two assholes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
