He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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