goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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