Sponge bath it is.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
