he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
