will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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