Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
