don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize