those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
