rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
