I want you more than these girls want KFC
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
