so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Drake has all the answers
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
