so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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