Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
