i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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