So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
