do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
