Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm like, not good at living.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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