Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
