Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
