My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize