Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
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I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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