a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
