and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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