o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
