you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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