How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
