Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize