awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
