The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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