I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.