So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
40s are totally the cure
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
