One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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