a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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