Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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