You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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