a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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