When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
