There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
