I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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