Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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