you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
