she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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