He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
