I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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