Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
