Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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