how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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