It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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